Why You Feel Unworthy of What You Want

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about why we feel unworthy of the things we want.

Recently, I’ve been working on clarifying what I really want out of life – whether that’s lifestyle, happiness, abundance, calm, or just a simpler existence. And it’s forced me to face certain aspects of myself that I found quite interesting… and honestly, surprising.

We’ve been taught that in order to accomplish what we set out to do in life, we should work hard and trust the process. That everything we’ve learned, combined with the hard work we put in, will eventually lead us to where we want to be. We know we’re trying to get somewhere, but we get so caught up in the day-to-day that we don’t always think about it directly. We might have a job, and from time to time we think loosely about wanting abundance or a calmer life, but then we get distracted and carry on with daily routines without necessarily pointing our actions towards those outcomes.

We pop out for drinks, watch movies, hang out with friends, visit places with loved ones, have people over, go for walks, work, and do a thousand other small jobs each day that just need doing. We direct our lives towards a certain trajectory and then trust it will work out as we keep living day by day. And there’s nothing wrong with that – especially if you love the life you’ve created.

But I think sometimes this way of living leads to autopilot. Then, when you eventually pause and look at where you’re headed, it can feel like you’re no longer in control. Like all you can do is keep putting one foot in front of the other. That’s when jobs and life circumstances start to feel overwhelming… and resentment can begin to set in.

Once we feel like we’re no longer in control of what’s happening – like life is happening to us instead of with us – imposter syndrome starts to creep in. It can feel like we’re constantly having to adjust just to keep up. Without that feeling of having your hand on the rudder, it can seem like both the destination and the journey are out of your control… and you’re left wondering if that’s even where you want to go.

When you combine that feeling with pre-formed views about the world – views shaped by upbringing or past experiences – it can lead to a deep sense of not deserving what it is you truly want. Almost like the path you’re on has manifested itself simply because that’s all you’re worthy of. These feelings create a confusing dichotomy within us – a cycle of striving yet rejecting, wanting yet pushing away – which leads to unrest and dissatisfaction.

Feelings of unworthiness seem to push away exactly what we’re trying to attract. For example, if you’re striving towards abundance – particularly wealth – but you grew up seeing rich people portrayed as lucky, selfish, or negative, that will leave a lasting impression on how you view wealth, even subconsciously. If your parents said things like “money doesn’t grow on trees” or “what do you think I am, made of money?” – or if your friends see wealthy people as cheats or sneer at someone spending thousands on a handbag – those views seep in. Even if it’s subtle, it shapes how worthy you feel of receiving abundance yourself.

I’ve noticed this in myself over recent years. I’ve worked hard to create abundance and happiness in my life, but I often find myself circling back to frustration, never quite getting there. Maybe it’s because of how I viewed my dad growing up – he was very unlucky in his successes, and that taught me, somewhere deep down, that wealth is temporary and largely down to luck. Or maybe seeing his struggles created a belief that being unlucky is just part of who we are as a family. Add a few of my own unfortunate situations into the mix, and suddenly the back of my mind is saying, “Hmm. See? Maybe this is just how it is for us.”

Our biggest battle in achieving what we desire is often within ourselves. If we could just get out of our own way – mentally and energetically – things might flow far more easily. Simply understanding that this is happening, and dedicating even a small portion of our day to overcoming it, might be all it takes to stop it becoming a hidden obstacle.

You don’t necessarily need a therapist to do this. Just facing it head-on and creating awareness of it might be enough to put you back in the driver’s seat.

For me, realising that I had certain hang-ups and attitudes getting in my way led me to create small practices that shifted things. One of those is breathwork. Every morning, and sometimes in the evening, I sit down for some guided breathwork, finishing with a short meditation. At first I felt silly doing it – sitting there breathing deliberately felt pointless. But now I see it was just my ego resisting stillness.

Breathwork has given me perspective and a sense of control by quieting the noise in my mind and allowing my inner self to become a stronger voice in my life. It’s helped me see that I am worthy. That my desires aren’t ridiculous or unreachable. That worthiness isn’t something you earn through perfection or productivity – it’s something you realise is there already.

So if you find yourself feeling unworthy of what you want, remember that it’s not always because of what’s happening right now. Often, it’s what has been planted in us long before we started reaching for these things. And by starting to unpick those beliefs and creating moments of calm to reconnect with yourself, you might just find that feeling of worthiness was there all along, quietly waiting for you to notice it.

If this resonates with you and you’re ready to start breaking down those hidden beliefs holding you back, I’d love to support you. Through my coaching, I help people like you find clarity, reconnect with their worth, and build a life that feels calm, abundant, and truly their own. You can find out more about working with me [insert link to your coaching page]. Remember – you are worthy, exactly as you are.