Loneliness in Leadership: Why No One Warns You About It

When I first started my venue, I expected the hard parts to be things like cash flow, staffing, suppliers, marketing.

The technical stuff.

What I didn’t expect was how lonely it would feel.

From the outside, everything looked good.

Awards, busy weekends, staff that joked and smiled.

But inside?

It often felt like I was carrying a weight that no one else even saw.

And because no one talked about it, I thought I was the only one feeling that way.

Like maybe I was just weak. Or bad at handling pressure.

If you’re reading this and you’ve felt it too—you’re not broken.

And you’re definitely not alone.

Why Leadership Can Feel So Isolating

When you’re the owner or manager, you sit in a space that’s different from everyone else around you.

• You can’t offload onto your staff—they need you to be solid.

• You can’t always offload onto friends—they often don’t understand the pressures.

• You sometimes can’t even offload onto family—because you don’t want them to worry.

You’re supposed to “have it together.”

You’re supposed to be grateful.

You’re supposed to just handle it.

And when you struggle, it feels like a personal failure.

That silence—the space between the pressure you’re carrying and the lack of people who truly get it—that’s where the loneliness grows.

The Signs of Leadership Loneliness

It’s not always obvious.

Sometimes it sneaks in quietly, until it’s baked into your normal.

Here’s what it can look like:

• Feeling emotionally distant, even from close friends or partners

• Struggling to celebrate wins because you feel disconnected from them

• Not trusting anyone enough to be vulnerable

• Assuming no one would understand even if you tried to explain

• Feeling like your problems aren’t “valid” because you chose this path

When loneliness goes unaddressed, it breeds other problems:

Burnout. Bitterness. Exhaustion. Poor decision-making. Disconnection.

Not because you’re bad at leadership—but because you’re human.

Hospitality Leadership Makes It Even Harder

Our industry glorifies toughness.

• Survive the shift.

• Power through exhaustion.

• Laugh it off when things get heavy.

There’s a deep pride in handling pressure without complaint.

And while resilience is important, it can also become a trap.

You start believing you have to be strong all the time.

You start believing that needing help makes you less of a leader.

You start believing that no one else is feeling what you’re feeling.

And that’s where isolation tightens its grip.

How I Started Breaking Out of It

It took longer than I care to admit to recognise what was happening.

It wasn’t just that I was stressed.

It wasn’t just that I was busy.

I was lonely.

I missed feeling understood.

Here’s what helped me reconnect:

• Admitting it out loud.
  First to myself. Then to people I trusted.

• Finding a circle where I didn’t have to perform.
  Not other business owners trying to impress each other.
  Real conversations. Real support.

• Setting up honest spaces inside my own team.
  Encouraging openness, not just about business, but about wellness too.

• Prioritising community—not just networking.
  Not “who can I sell to,” but “who can I build real relationships with?”

• Protecting my identity outside of work.
  Remembering I’m not just a boss or an owner—I’m a human being first.

It didn’t happen overnight.

But once I opened that door, the weight started to lift.

If You’re Feeling This Way, Here’s What I Want You to Know

You’re not weak.

You’re not failing.

You’re not alone.

Leadership is heavy sometimes.

Especially when you care.

Especially when you want to do it well.

You deserve spaces where you don’t have to pretend everything’s fine.

You deserve people around you who understand what you’re carrying—without judgment.

And you’re allowed to ask for that support.

Looking for a Place to Start?

I created my free Skool community because it’s the kind of space I wish I had years ago.

Inside, you’ll find:

• A community of hospitality owners and managers who get it

• Leadership and wellness tools (like boundary planners and burnout checklists)

• Weekly reset templates to help protect your time and energy

• A place to talk about the real side of leadership, without pressure or performance

You don’t have to figure this out alone.

You don’t have to carry the whole thing alone either.

[Join the Skool Community Here] (Link Launching in May 2025)

You carry a lot.

You deserve the tools and support to carry it well.

You matter too. Don’t forget that.