High Functioning Anxiety

When Looking Fine on the Outside Hides Chaos on the Inside

High functioning anxiety is one of the most misunderstood experiences a person can live with, precisely because it rarely looks like a problem from the outside.

You show up. You deliver. You keep things moving. You are reliable, capable, and often the person others turn to when things need sorting. You hit deadlines. You carry responsibility. You make things work. On paper, life looks solid. Career progressing. Business growing. People trusting you.

But inside, it feels very different.

Your mind doesnt really switch off. You replay conversations long after they have ended. You think about how you came across, what you should have said, what you might have missed. Decisions linger in your head, even small ones. You struggle to fully relax because stillness feels unfamiliar, sometimes even uncomfortable. When everything finally goes quiet, your body doesnt soften. It tightens.

For a long time, I believed this was just part of being driven. Part of leadership. Part of caring deeply about what I was building. I told myself that if I could just push a little harder, fix a few more things, or get ahead of the next problem, I would finally feel calm.

I was wrong.

While building and running a successful hospitality business, I was also dealing with panic attacks behind the scenes. Not during moments of failure or crisis, but during periods of responsibility that never seemed to end. From the outside, the business was thriving. From the inside, my nervous system was constantly braced, waiting for the next issue, the next message, the next demand.

That is the reality of high functioning anxiety. It doesnt stop you from functioning. It allows you to function while slowly draining you.

One of the most common traits of high functioning anxiety is perfectionism. Not the healthy pursuit of excellence, but perfectionism driven by fear. Fear of being criticised. Fear of being exposed. Fear of letting people down. You check things repeatedly. You go over your work long after it is finished. Relief only arrives once someone confirms you did well. Until then, your body stays tense.

Another key trait is constant busyness. Being busy becomes a form of protection. Movement blocks discomfort. Productivity keeps anxiety at bay. Silence feels unsafe, so you fill every gap with tasks, messages, planning, or distraction. From the outside, it looks like dedication. Inside, it feels like running from something you cant quite name.

People pleasing is another quiet sign. Saying yes when you are already stretched. Taking on responsibility that isnt yours. Avoiding difficult conversations because conflict feels threatening. You tell yourself you are being kind or supportive, but over time, resentment builds. Not just towards others, but towards yourself for constantly abandoning your own limits.

Then there is the overthinking. The endless mental loops. Replaying conversations. Imagining worst case outcomes. Planning for scenarios that may never happen. Trying to anticipate every possible problem so you can finally feel safe. Overthinking is not intelligence. It is a nervous system searching for certainty in an uncertain world.

One of the most telling signs of high functioning anxiety is the inability to truly rest. You dont relax. You collapse. You only stop when your body forces you to. Even then, rest feels uneasy. Guilt creeps in. Your mind keeps scanning. You wake up already tense, already preparing for the day before it has even started.

This is not weakness. It is not a lack of resilience. It is biology.

When your nervous system remains in fight or flight for too long, stress hormones stay elevated. Your body struggles to tell the difference between danger and demand. Emails feel urgent. Messages feel loaded. Small decisions feel heavy. Over time, exhaustion sets in. Burnout follows. Not because you failed, but because the system was overloaded for too long without relief.

Understanding this changed how I viewed myself.

The goal was never to stop caring or to become less ambitious. The goal was to stop living in survival mode. To create moments of safety in a life that had become all performance and pressure.

One of the simplest tools that helped me, and that I still use today, is something I call a five minute brain dump. Set a timer. Write everything that is in your head. No fixing. No organising. No judging. Just unloading. It sounds basic, but it works because it externalises the pressure. It tells your nervous system that it doesnt have to hold everything at once.

High functioning anxiety does not mean you are broken. It means you learned how to survive by performing. At some point, that strategy helped you succeed. But if you are reading this, it is probably costing you more than it is giving back.

You can be capable without being constantly wired. You can be successful without living in tension. You can care deeply without sacrificing your inner world.

But that starts by paying attention to what is happening inside, not just what you are achieving outside.

You matter too. Dont forget that.